Author Archive

taluka! so my name is yak of the vale and when i go to pub or club toilets, i like to piss all over the urinal detergent that fills the bowl. why? because some things cant be justified.

so the past few days have been some of the best in a long long while. you’ve waited a week for this and in my eyes its worth it.

DISCLAIMER: the photos you’re about to see are in no way an open invite to the trails featured in this display of writing and photography. someone on the prettyshady book asked why people put photos of their trails up on the internet. i choose to, cos i hope it inspires and gives people ideas and is pleasing to the eye and the head. its a harmless exercise if those that view it show it some respect. so that viewer is you. lets begin with a journey that creates dispair and almighty joy:

so we spent three glorious days down cothill in order to get back in touch. last year was a disappointing year where we properly fucked up and we dont want it to happen again so try to spend any spare moment down there getting stuff ridden in or tweaked so it can be the best it can. a yak table. thank god i didnt whack my shoulder. that shit hurts.

aidans a fucking sickhead and no one can trust him in any way shape or form. we both now own MP3 players, not that snazzy iPod shizzle but real MP3 players. the other night we rode home and went by the shop to purchase some dried tobacco leaves in a pouch. i was in and out within 4 minutes or so.when i came out i found aidan asleep on his bike and had to wake him up. god knows how he didnt fall over. here aidan doesnt care and does whack his shoulder.grizzzz!

proven fact - i havent done a turndown since newport back in june. theres pictorial evidence of that very day in the archives. thats 9 months ago. in that time my brother and his wife made a baby from snot and eggs. if i wasnt so stupid i’d have these down by now. you win some you lose some. i probably drew, but in itself, that isnt a fact.

schooled!! aidan banging out a treat. these were amazing to watch and it made me wanna do them as well. today was a pretty momentous day and the gay boy wonder managed to land his first three on dirt over his trick jump that you cant usually clear the gap on, let alone spin. like i said, he cant be trusted.

suprise suprise. so we got that most recent issue of Dig Magazine with the trails article in it. it just blew me away. ive never read anything that is so accurate and poignant when it comes to trails. i hate reading articles about building trails in Ride cos they make it sound like its some elitest spiritual journey of enlightenment. the Dig article made it out to be about big kids on small bikes which to me, pretty much is what it is. if you havent seen it, its issue 57 and costs ?2.95 which that article alone is worth. the rest of the magazine is pretty dialled too.

big picture! this is the laziest no foot can ive ever seen i think. chances are he was about to fall asleep again and thats how it turned out this way, but he managed to stay awake just long enough to go over the next set. its been so dry recently you can see bits of tops of landings tryna peel off, none of which we can fix until the drought ends. one order for rain. tescos probably sell it these days.

russsssia! this took me a fair few go’s to get the picture. eventually good things come to those who cant time pictures. not long after i took this aidan tried to stick a three and held onto the bike too long and as he landed popped his shoulder. so that was that.

wooop. how long can you go? according to this, roughly 2ft. i aint worried, its only the first set. and what a set it is. i got another set in my line kind of running considering all the stuff before it was peeling off and i hadnt actually properly packed most of it. i crashed more in the past 3 days testing some of my stuff than i have in months and months. when i wake up in the morning i cant get out of bed without aidan tempting me out with the promise of a sleepy hug and some tea. my knee will hurt tomorrow. i am sure of this.

i really like this picture. all the other pictures have been of stuff at the tops of our lines cos thats as far as we’ve been able to get. this is a little further down aidos line.then out came the MP3 players like true champions as the troops returned to a land far away from the gentle delights of days in the woods and into a land of alchohol abuse and dead pigeons. what do i spake of? i speak of pipe.

yes. so on a saturday night, no different from any other saturday we travelled into oxford to see a band play. we ended up not seeing the band and instead sat downstairs with perhaps a 40yr old woman called julie who aidans not at all secretly in love with. shes nice that julie is. the pipe made a phone call to our fair electronic device and a plan was hatched. so after finding a very drunk stu sucks and having to make his rollies for him, we heard the call of the zodiac. many heroes were in attendance, an air of anticipation hanuted the lunging legs of the tight jeaned skinny kids.

last time i went there a super pretty girl had stole my hat. in return i demanded the number of her electronic device. so she was there. along with her friend. her friend was called mary. and my god was mary gunna fucking get it. the boy who cant be trusted tounge banged the shit out of her til she couldnt last any longer and had to go home. the filthy bastard. meanwhile i tounge banged her super cute friend until she had to go home as well. we felt successful so talked to a mancunian nutbar called john abernethy whos business card i have here. he was so crazy i didnt know what to do. the end.

i tend to only go on websites that take amazing photos these days, of which there are quite a few like RANDOMBMX. its just had a makeover so works better than before and has just had some awesome pictures posted up by brad and kung. theres one picture brads taken at motion thats just incredible. you’ll know what i mean. fuck i best end this. wayyyy too much writing. peace and love. xx

aha…yes…greetings.

my name is yak of the vale and a mere 5 minutes ago i managed to superglue my finger to my thumb. we dont have any sellotape and i was sticking an envelope down with superglue. worked a treat once my fingers were apart.

today smelt different to any other day. it smelt sweeter and warmer than any day i remember for a while. in fact it reminded me of riding days this time last year, pedalling to somewhere, knowing that you were gunna do 50 tucks that day. severely good times. heres a berm i changed a few days ago to what it is now.

so sorry there hasnt been any riding pictures on here from us for a while. trying to get time to ride and the weather to do it isnt as easy as it looks. ed and chaz have been producing some dialled pictures recently so they’re taking it for the team. heres some of the bigger stuff down the bottom of aidans line. a few people have asked about aidans stuff so heres about 3% of it.

heres about 8% of it. haha, dont take these stats seriously. so i got all fuzzy and warm this evening. i was on a walk to the postbox with a letter for the marvellous stu loxley with all sorts of secrets written in it. i was just in a t-shirt and had just had a bath and there was a really different feel to the world. you forget what seasons feel like after a while and if this is spring then im all yours mrs march.

speak of the angel. there he is, the little cutie. this is a picture joesmalley took roughly 2 years ago of stu over a set that was much more difficult than it should have been. stu seemed to enjoy it though. after this we went up to p’boro and later onto the woburn jam which was gash except for seeing scruffy ben, simon bamber and all the oxford kruuuw.

weeeeeee. so on the third day of the third month the immense mindblock that is aidan hit the grand old age of two decades. well wishers travelled from miles around to greet the phenomenon and to share in the moment. as a response we dressed as if we were in a band to fend off any accusations that we were not changing. we are not changing. a half friend of mine once said aged 16 that he wished he could be 15 forever. hes now in a half famous band that were on the south today bbc news.

so me and aido dressed up, went out, came home with a bottle of whiskey and a bottle of coke and drunk ourselves into an outrageous stupour which i remember at the time, sending me spiralling into all sorts of crazy thoughts of happiness and wonder. so um, heres a shady video that you may or may not want to watch. remember, curiosity killed the cat, but that also a cat has 9 lives. usual right click save target as ordeal.

thats it. except go and click this link > TRICKLIST! < now cos its from up north and contains media pages on it. and for the dang doo starling shizzle, media pages are amazing. mwaaaah xxx

why greetings. my name is yak of the vale and i hate people who use song lyrics as their msn names.

so heres another shocking update from me. soon you’ll learn to skip over these ones, until then, read them. it makes me feel worth something. heres 25 things that have happened recently:

1 > in oxford at about 4am on a saturday night a tramp asked me if i had any spare change. i told her i didnt want to, but saw she had a cute dog with her called tiny, who was very little as you may of guessed and lived in her jacket. this isnt tiny, but here aidan models a dog that looks similar although slightly more scared.

2 > aidan smelt so bad he gagged on his own smell and a bit of sick came out on the fireplace so he had to run to the bathroom to clean up.i swear this is true.

3 > a few months ago i made a bet with the landlord of the flowing well alehouse that i wouldnt smoke in his pub ever again. he gave me ?20 not to. the other night he busted me smoking in his pub. i didnt give him his ?20 back.

4 > aidan went round squirrels house when squirrel wasnt there, to eat some cookies they made, then came home.

5 > this is dot. we folded back her ears because we thought it was funny.

6 > noel edmonds hosts deal or no deal on channel 4. he has a very groomed head of hair. we bet his pubic hair is just as well groomed.

7 > theory tests are hilarious. heres 2 questions with a ridiculous possible answer they asked.

Q - WHY SHOULD YOU BE MORE CAREFUL WHEN FOLLOWING ELDERLY DRIVERS?

d)- THEIR CAR MAY BE VERY OLD.

Q - MOTORCYCLISTS SHOULD WEAR BRIGHT CLOTHING MAINLY BECAUSE…

c) - THE COLOURS ARE POPULAR.

ridiculous.

8 > me and aidan made a flapjack cake for my brothers 25th birthday. it was rad.

9 > i have a hair on my arm that is about 3 inches long. its my source of power just like samsons hair was to him.

10 > aidan can fart better than you. he brutally farted on my arm then we had a fight. whilst watching The Friday Night Project he farted 15 or so times. i think it was more.

11 > aidan went through a period where he didnt brush his teeth for 4-5 months. vile.

12 > we went to the zodiac one night. pipe flattened me to the floor near the end and my white t-shirt now looks like this.

13 > there was an old bloke in blue and white checked leggings in there. when it was closing time i talked to him and found out he was 62. he was one of the most amazing people ive ever met and said he just wanted to do fun stuff.

14 > the legend that is couch chatted up a girl who once tried to strangle pipe on new years. she gave him a blowie then he banged her with a strap on. good couch.

15 > daz drove us home. he was so drunk that he could barely talk or walk but managed to drive fine. i hugged pipes leg all the way home whilst couch and aidan sat on deckchairs.

16 > aidan now wears girls pyjamas with nothing on underneath. i dont know why. he doesnt either.

17 > me and poll agree that girls with fat legs that you cant see daylight through are fucking disgusting.

18 > we met a jon robinson lookalike.

19 > aidan met a girl called heather who was pretty cute. whilst dancing with her he got a bit um…pumped and prodded the poor girl in her flowergarden with his trowel. i met a girl called zoe who liked to shout 1-2-3-4! alot. i didnt prod her with anything.

20 >this is the trails monkey. he sits and guards our trails while we’re away. aidan found him and looks after him.

21 > we’re planning to learn girls aloud - love machine lyrics perfectly so then we can impress people with out lyrical rhythmical genius.

22 > when i work in hampshire doing woodland work i operate the chipper amd feed big trees into it. the other day a piece of wood flung out the wrong way and smacked me in the lip.my lip was so fat i looked like aidan for a while.

23 > a bit of blackthorn got stuck under my skin and made this orrible blister thing. aidan popped it and loads of white puss came out of it.

24 > me and aidan sit down once a week and look at where our relationship is going and how we could change it for the better.

25 > if you made it this far, then i suggest you do your own 25th thing and let us know what it is in the guestbook. i’ll like you if you do.

take a moment to see whether this was worth it.bye bye xx

hello.my name is yak of the vale and i havent knocked one out in 5 days.

so its my turn. seems we got some kind of rotor or however you spell it going on. a revolution never got anywhere without good planning. just look at the russian revolution. lenin and trotsky were all over that shit planning things from exile and all sorts. i aint in exile. but i liked textiles. and x files. and air miles. but not piles. no one likes that.

um. i remember years ago looking in magazines mainly in winter and mainly in dig magazine, pictures of haggard old trails and motivational words on building trails and inspiration and things of a nature that we would refer to as similar. i quite like haggard trails as a result of that. theres a beauty in both haggard trails and pretty ones. haggard ones hark back to 1999 when i started riding on a marin bear valley over a tiny mound of mud on the ridgeway in the shire.

so i went to baulking trails also in the shire the other day cos chris bradley made me and turned up whilst i was watching Ed on channel 4 at about 12.50pm. i really wanted to see the rest of Ed. ed, do you like Ed? do you also get stoked on it cos its named after you? heres rob watson doing fuckall. rich watson does stuff. rob doesnt. well, he cant dig for shit and ended up playing in puddles attempting to make drainage that would go on for 50 metres. chris joined in. i wasnt impressed.

same sort of picture. so i wanted to build the lip on the right. i didnt wanna play in puddles that day. so i made it. i didnt take a picture though. so count yourselves lucky you dont have to buy dig this month cos all you’re missing out on is here. this is the worst update ive ever done but im doing it under the influence and i feel that sparks my creativity. why? for i am weak and have no thoughts of my own without aid. aid in the sense of not aidan. he doesnt help me. he hinders me.

speak of the devil. never understood that phrase. heres aidan eating a small amount of excrement after trying to gap to manual on that ledge to not quite getting there. its pretty tough i recksoms. pictures courtesy of mark ratnidge and slapped together by me. good ol pirate photoshop. weeeeeee.

katie kennedy!! party at 157 ennit. katie kennedy is the one in the middle, pouting like a twat at a night back at the party house. we love katie kennedy. shes beautiful. i plan to marry her when she finishes with greg. she went out with liam eltham in yr9 or something and watched him as he smashed his face into a million pieces at a grove jam.

im far too incoherent for this sorta thing but it was my turn. this has taken me twice as long cos i wanted the spelling to be just right you know? it isnt but its a personal choice. its a lifestyle choice. if you can guess the link to who im talking about, type their address in your internet website writing bar and press the enter key after reading al the updates you havent read. long live johnny cash. stories about theory tests and hampshire next time. remind me. xx

hello. my name is yak of the vale and i dont have a real job or a future mapped out whatsoever. on my tuesday afternoons i can have a bath if i want. so i did. i can also cut the nails on my right hand with my left hand, and the nails on my left hand with my right. can you do that?

so greetings oh fair comrades. lend me your eyes and your ears and your hearts and your hits. and if im very lucky - lend me your bits.

so we had just about the best session ive had since probably summer 2005. im not even lying. after theshovelload shut down last april i stopped riding for a pretty dang long time and went majorly off it, riding probably only a handful of times up until christmas, mainly at radley. today reminded me of a day me and aidan once had on the 5th june 2003 and any other rad trails day we had up until 2005. up to the top for another.

aidan! a special love has been declared that few dare speak of. something that doth not allow the boy to speak properly for short bursts of timepiece. here he wallows in his love and tops up the love levels with a mean twiddler of a kickout over the second in his line.

fact. the last riding picture aidan took of me that made it onto this here website was on the 5th september at newport. and there wasnt even a table on that update. subconciously…you’ve waited 5 months for this. table over the first on my line. this jump started off shit then steadily turned into an absolute treat, sending you higher every time. this was about half way through the day.

so having not ridden trails since last april there were many a rusty moment. lots of feet down and shady landing on stuff, mistimed pumps and badly pulled stunts. mix that in with the fact that the jumps riding are all soft or wet or need changing and the outcome was remarkable. here aidan recovers from an attempted turndown to no foot can.

plain old no foot can over the hipped bit. note tyremarks, chunks and scuffs all over anything that got ridden. good times. bad times. aidans line is looking pretty sick. im scared of the stuff down the bottom.

whooop! im ten times stoked on stuff after this day. this jumps pretty damn fun too. you hit it rate slow, pump a roller then hit a 4ft tall lip with about a 7ft gap. now thats what im talking about.

what else am i talking about?

if you dont regularly entertain the idea of visiting
QUIS!
then you’re a fool. for some of the most well thought out photography, about as experimental as a mouse with an ear on its back, then i suggest you go look at ever single pictures hes ever taken. digital and film. so you cant hate him.

the boy daz at
MIDBMX
not only runs a regularly updated bmx weblog with plenty of rad pictures but he also ordered me to watch this video of tony watkinson.
CLICKY HEREY and go down to the very bottom right video of cambon and watkinson for some of the most outrageous tables ive ever witnessed in my life. sickening. hes also pretty good at the other stuff too.

thanks for watching. toodle doo til next time. x